Random Public Diary : Past and Present End of High School

Bully? Is it exist? Love? Weird?

Maybe it's just a random thing again which i write down to my blog today. Lately i really feel lonely because some careless person who always beside me showed like he never wants to be there beside me actually. I read novel Tango from Goo Hye Sun and you know what, the main character named Yun has the same personality as me. I am afraid of reality which this earth gives to us everyday. Social status and judgment really make me shock as an ordinary human.

Difficult times i already passed and firstly the most difficult times in high school. If some people think high school is the most beautiful experience in the whole someone's life to remember, that's just a freaking bullshit. Maybe you are right, you will find your closest friend in high school and you will know who is true and who is fake. It's just a normal to see in high school.

But i think started when i was 16 year old i got damn bad experience in my whole life. I fell in love with a wrong person, because of this i really want to be more quite in society. I am a cheerful girl but after that experience i better be more calm and be comfortable with people who can except me the way i am. I joined some competition as ambassador and actually this competition breaks my heart alot until just a little part left in my life. 

I put my heart seriously to that competition and wanted to do anything that i could do. So in the end i  could have win something and make my parents proud of me. But something went wrong at that time. I got more stress and i just couldn't handle my emotion. I just wanted to mad with everyone because i couldn't handle everything which i thought "i can". I felt so sorry to my friends but you know i never mean to be like that.

More sadly moment was some people talked bullshit about me. I did corruption of my class money. I never did some nasty things for a support while i was joining local competition. More sadly fact was some of my closest friends believe everything which some people said. I didn't want to go to school, everyone talked "Margaret is fake and two faces". Like they were the only people who right and never made some mistakes in their past moments. 

I think everyone needs mirror and reflection of them self before you can intimidate other people. I really felt "i am useless and i never can wake up from this nightmare". I cried a lot every night, i depressed. The only one friend who still be there for me, just one. Really really made me felt useless and sorry about my self. I did not love my self at that time. I just wanted to die, killed my self.

I am not trying to get attention while i write down this story. This is my story why i can suffer from this public bullying and judgment. You know i really want to SAY SORRY IF I AM WRONG TO YOU GUYS. But don't you want to say sorry too because i really wanted to killed my self at that time? Bullying is sucks and i don't want to see more some of my readers do that to another person who is standing alone by him or her self.

Plus the person who i like is never proof that he is be there for me while everyone hates me. i pissed off. The fact which i found that the person who i love, love someone else and dumped me. I really felt like "God please i just want to die, no one likes me..can i just get enough? i just want to make my parents proud of me, i search for my own scholarship, i love my friends i did everything which i could but no one understand how to did back to me even i never hoped for that kind of thing... i just want to die and at the ed wake up see my beautiful life again, have a bright future instantly but it can't be happen that easily.." i talked to my self like that.

You know for 16 year old girl who really immature you can't judge me easily why i am so immature with this situation. The person who i love, like, gaahh addicted to him, he fell in love with someone else. But the bad thing that person is a boy. I don't want to judge gay as a mistake in my eyes. Even i have so many gay friends out there but the feeling was different if the person who you really love was falling for someone else and the person who you love was one of them.

Gay,... I THINK THEY ARE THE MOST TRUTHFUL HUMANS IN THIS WORLD. I respect them how can they except their own differences than other normal people. Or bisex i never want to judge them because i have so many friends who bisex. They are kind to me and really helpful than other normal people. Normal people will have to feel shame about this. It's their own problem with God i never want to judge them easily. But i can except the way he is now, i can. Even i cry a lot at night when i remembered everything which i did with him. How amazing to feel that this is fact of life. HURT so bad but memorable. 

I believe maybe some day i will get my own happiness, i can still reach my dream and be humble, down to earth, make my parents proud of me. I really want to be successful person. I really want to make something different than other people mostly do in their life. I don't want to publish every names in this story, i don't want to make the negative side of being gay or bisex. But i really want to share with you that "THIS IS THE HARD LIFE IN JAKARTA, YOU JUST BE THERE IN SOCIETY LEARN TO EXCEPT BUT STAND FOR YOUR OWN LIFE." I feel sorry if some people feel like this is annoying public diary, but i think this is the end of my high school life which i can describe. 

I describe my own failures, some of fake people failures, i say that i am feeling so sorry, i describe everything. So i hope some people will understand how hard i really want to run away from my life. I suffer from bullying and now i operate my own blog with amazing readers who stay young fresh ready to support me. I really love you guys, thankyou for all supports and prayer which you always give to me. I love you!

No matter what happen remember when you are not even doing wrong you can't force people to like you. Don't waste your time for them, they don't deserve anything, you deserve everything from your own self.

PS : two faces? well did you do the same at least once in your life, stop judging.. lol be your self, and sorry again if i am hurting some of your feelings. Peace out!

Beauty Review : Quick Dull to Doll Ulzzang Natural Makeup Routine - 얼짱 천연 메이크업 루틴

WRITTEN TIPS AND STEPS :

1. Ulzzang or dolly looking person (best face) really care about skin care, so i suggest you to apply skin care before you apply your base or foundation.

2. I prefer to apply BB Cream and Mineral Concealer than a foundation for today.

3. I do my eyebrows by filling it with Carbon Mac Single Eyeshadow.

4. Apply Primer before you apply eyeshadow. Use Neutral Eyeshadow colors from light - dark brown. Put the lightest color as base and to the inner corner of your eyes. It makes your both eyes look wider and Ulzzang really love an aegyo eyes which is natural people usually have eyebags and apply the shimmery color eyeshadow on it.

5. Use gel eyeliner which is easier to draw close to your eye line. Draw thinner as natural as possible.

6. Curl your lashes and apply mascara.

7. Apply soft pink blush on.

8. To pop out your neutral eyeshadow color please use lip tint and apply nude lipstick on your lips.

9. If you don't have a V Line shape use a bronzer and you are done!

From the simple tutorial you will get an awesome ulzzang selca or webcam pictures. So here are the example photos of me. The result is dolly but it's coming still natural not too much and harsh looking. I personally love my routine from skincare until makeup because i think this makeup suits me the best after all.  WEBCAM VERSION BEFORE I WEAR MY DRESS

With natural lighting from my window it's still coming out flawless on camera even in real. I really love the result. I currently applied Maybelline BB Cream and Maybelline Mineral Concealer. Even do you know Victoria's Angles were wearing maybelline makeup as theirs. Maybelline is such a good drugstore makeup even not all the products are good. But i think the BB Cream and the concealer are coming out the best on my skin.

HD CAMERA AND GOOD LIGHTING VERSION

Style (it means i wear my mini dress, i make my hair wavy and i applied this natural makeup)

Ready to be a doll? ;)

I don't want to teach you to be fake, but sometimes you need to look like this when you want to go to a prom or even to a special occasion. Agree? 

Don't forget also to read the post about my Bridal Show 2013, here!

Good luck and God Bless!

xoxo,

Margaret

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Bridal Show 2013 - Wedding Dresses and Makeup

(fact : i edited our dark circles, so that's why i am not proud with eyebags...they are not pretty at all! they are disgusting, make you look not clean at all. Like you are not even go for a shower...)

Hello everyone, finally i write something on my blog for this month. I concern with fashion and beauty today. Fashion now is all about Bridal Dresses. My friend here is wearing the traditional dress and makeup from Yogyakarta or in Indonesian Daerah Istimewa Yogyakarta Province. The dress is called Javanese Kebaya and with Batik pattern on it. Well i am here wearing my international  wedding dress. The lighting is good so i really love both of the photos.

For some reason i really love local Indonesian makeup artist technique which is make the local Indonesian ladies look prettier than before. The makeup artist is my friend's mom actually and i really happy how our face can really turn out prettier and more mature than we really are. Both of us are 17 and the sad fact is we are single (what the, lol not really interesting to say..no one cares margaret). Just kidding! But really we are single and we are wearing the awesome wedding dresses. How awesome is that?

I'm feeling like a royal princess in one day and really happy because many people take photos with us. Just feel like a big star for one day. We are not trying to be exist because if you can do something good, you will get the existence automatically. Who's agree with me? ;)

Good luck and God Bless!

xoxo,

Margaret

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Beauty Review : Tips from My Ulzzang Selca Update 내 얼짱 셀카 업데이트의 팁

Welcome again to my blog!

hello margareta vania is here! 

안녕하세요 김환혜 여기있다!

Today i really want to share my tips and some reason how to get a perfect ulzzang self camera photo, so you can upload it proudly. hehehe :) So i hope it will help you to try the best look for your selca of the day.

Ullzang (얼짱) or Eoljjang it means best face. Many korean people know this thing which mean many teenagers in South Korea try to be pretty and look awesome on picture and on their daily basis with makeup or with a good skin appearance. I already share the download link for the photo editor program that almost ulzzang use as their simple photo editor program, here! Maybe that post is the most read post from my blog. So i think many foreign people who are not korean or even chinese really want to know how to be look awesome on picture. Why i mention chinese or korean, i am not racist here but as you know many asian can be ulzzang. They are having small eyes in natural way (even some asian have double eyelids and big eyeballs), they have pale skin (or yellow skin), and they have small lips or face which are the best criteria for ulzzang.

Makeup, you need eye makeup to make your eyes look focus and good on camera. But for me i just lazy sometimes to take a self camera photo with makeup so i just edit the brightness and huaalaa that's my picture. But almost ulzzang in south korea don't want to look ugly so they always use makeup. Don't say this fake or blablabla, that's their culture as ulzzang. They always want to look like a doll. Blessed me because i have my own double eyelids since i was born. I am skinny because i can't get fat, i just have the same weight of all time (even i really want to gain it). It is okay for boys to wear base makeup to cover the blemishes. But i personally say that don't wear too much. You boys so please don't a makeup maniac same as girls.

Fashion, yes you need to wear good looking clothes sometimes. But if you just want to take a home shoot picture make sure you wear at least good wear house t-shirt. So you will not regret anything when you see your picture again in the future. Good clothes don't need to be expensive, but a nice looking dress or jeans are really reasonable to make your appearance better.

Camera, if you have HD Camera please use it (DSLR or SLR). If you don't make sure you really have a great angle for your selca. Take as much as you can and choose the best picture. But don't do an over picture pose. It will look horrible!

Photoshop, this is a personal choice. I photoshop my picture sometimes for the dark circles and the brightness effect plus make my picture contrast. I put some cute stickers sometimes. But i do have pictures with no photoshop and makeup. So i think it's up to you! I just lazy to edit my photo even i forget to upload my pics so i have alot in my computer folder.

Cheat, the cheat formula you need to know. If you want to make your lips thinner make sure you know how to do gradient lips. So many tutorial on youtube about that. If you want a V Shape because you don't have it, you need to put your camera higher than your face a little bit. Look up but look to the right or left a bit so you will get the V Shape face structure. If you don't have a smooth face skin, make sure you take a good care your skin first. Apply skin care before makeup and photoshoped! I am not saying that you are not being your self. But com'on i bet all of you want to lookin good right? But still confident about the way you are.

By the way check out my May Favorites Video, i bet you like it and get to the point!

Good luck and God Bless!

xoxo,

Margaret

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Beauty Review : Etude House LUCIDarling Fantastic Nails - Beige Brown

I'm sitting in front of my computer, yes blogging is my hobby and blogging is something that bring me to lucky life. Lucky because i work on it everyday. So today is going to be a beauty review about nail polish again. Few days ago i already posted about B.O Nail Polish which you can see right, here! Now is going to be the first round for LUCIDarling Fantastic Nails review in color Beige Brown. I got this from my friend who gave this on christmas. So let me share about the things which i like and which i don't.

LIKE :

- Fast dry

- Natural Result

- Pinkish with little bit glittery effect, love it!

DISLIKE :

- Not stay longer, maybe it stays for 3 days. After that the color will gone, maybe not completely gone but yeah i need retouch the color just in a short time.

I hope this simple review can help you before you buy the LUCIDarling Fantastic Nails from Etude House store in your country. Maybe you can think more the priority which is maybe you can try another edition or try thins LUCIDarling series. Etude House is a lovely korean makeup brand, so i still recommend their nail polish products for you girls!

Good luck and God Bless!

xoxo,

Margaret

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Christian Siriano for Payless Gold Edition

Welcome back again to my blog! For the next 3 days i will concern to write more about everything that related to fashion, beauty, travel, and also music. I'm free and i'm here for my holiday. Yes! I will continue my study on August and i am not a High School student anymore (i believe, please imma outta here).

Two days ago, i helped my friend's mom for the bridal show competition. It's a small competition and the place wasn't really high end in Jakarta. But at least i believe we could make it until we got the trophy (sadly we weren't cause the competition politic, some finalists paid the judges!). One of my classmate join too to helped my friend's mom for that competition. The first thing which i need to prepared, absolutely heels. I confess that high heel is my current obsession and i think i don't have any problem to wear 12 cm heels - 14 cm heels because i am trained to do that. I'm not bragging but still i practiced a lot at my old modeling school. You can join it too at Darmawangsa Square, Look Inc. Models School at South Jakarta. I bet you wouldn't regret anything after you graduate! Absolutely right, you need practice before you walk in high heels. If you don't you will walk weird on the street and you will have short steps forward.

I bought first ever designer high heels from Christian Siriano. I got the heels from Payless Jakarta in Central Park Mall. Until now it costs $66, freaking expensive for me. Come on, i am just 17 year old girl and spent $66 for high heels ?! Crazy.. But the bad thing was "oh i can't handle my self even i am now talking to my own self." If you buy this heels in the US maybe the price will not be so expensive same as here. You know, tax and extra costs make this heels > EXPENSIVE! Finally i got it! I bought it at the store and $66 (was including discount). Kinda crazy but it is worth it! I able to wear this to the next special event or occasions. I used my own money to buy this (cry deeply). Sensitive when i see back my wallet and now $10 is just staying inside my wallet.

I posted before in Instagram, i showed that i adore really adore this heels. Follow my instagram to know more update because i am just a fashion freak. I love many weird things, no bet i am having random personality. Go gogogo follow and see more info at my blog next! 

Good luck and God Bless!

xoxo,

Margaret

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Unbelievable Nation Indonesia

Photo : Lisa

Love Indonesia? Don't forget to visit Batam Island and buy this awesome shirt!

Shirt from : Bas Bis Bus, Oleh-oleh khas Batam

Proud to be Indonesian here, yeap i officially Indonesian! Why i announce this? Lately i find so many irresponsible people who really like to take some cultures from the original owner. Don't say we are a small country without nothing. You are breathing everyday and Indonesia is also producing oxygen for the earth because we have the most influential forest in this world. We have more than 100 languages in here but one mother language. Well how amazing Indonesia is,..i know! We are growing country and you know many international artists really want to held their concert in here. Many international business men & women work in this country too, investment grows up in this growing country. The millions smiling people, you can only find in Indonesia. Even you are strangers or foreigners in Indonesia, if you need to ask something to the people who you don't even know, they will still answer you the best they ever can. Some people in here maybe can't talk with English as international language but even you go to the market people there will try to say something in English. You go to the old market such as Pasar Baru, some people will say "hello mr.! hello ms.! Let's buy our product!"

So many destinations in here, you can find village ares - big crowded cities in Indonesia. If you are a big spender for branded stuffs, you can easily find many malls in Jakarta, Bali, Surabaya, Semarang, and many big cities in Indonesia to visit. If you are a big spender with affordable price stuffs you can go to the ITC malls, markets, and sometimes you need to visit night local markets. Tanah abang, Mangga Dua, and Senen are the famous destination for many tourists from many countries and background. They can get so many cool stuffs with affordable prices and you can buy as many as you can. How amazing isn't it? Problem with traffic in here, even tough you are going to other countries traffic is the most common problem. Don't worry, just take the public transportation. Example like ojek (with motorcycle), bajaj (read : bajai), Angkot (Public car), TransJakarta (Public Bus), and some cities in Indonesia also have becak as the traditional public transportation. So i am waiting you to visit my country, our country, Indonesia! 

Good luck and God Bless!

xoxo,

Margaret

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My Journey to Macau - The Venetian Macau (Mini Hotel Room Tour)

Finally i make this hotel room review. I stayed in this room with my father and my brother stayed with my mom in the other room. Of course i feel more comfortable with my daddy cause majority daddy gets close with his daughter. I finally arrived at The Venetian by bus from Hong Kong.

Cute store ever cause i saw many pandas and funny icons there. I couldn't buy anything there because i didn't have much time for that.

I fell in love with the classic work table. I would not go anywhere from those thing. 

Another thing was the amazing downtown view from my window. Oh gosh! I fell in love with Macau. I really want to comeback soon again someday for holiday but for stay in here for forever i will not do that. The individualism is so high and the economic pressure sure will make my stressed out. Casinos are everywhere in every place.

Downtown life baby!

Here we go, inside my room! Amazing classy decorations and interior.

King Size bed as dammmnnn comfortable...

My natural tired face, i show you know premiere only from my blog! lol! I don't want to be fake so i think the best thing is sometime you need to proof that you are natural enough. Makeup free!

The next morning, i went outside just for breakfast at 11.00 AM. I knew ittt! It was too late. So i was queuing like stupid with my mom, dad, and my lil brother. Wait for more than 15 minutes just for breakfast in that Hotel. You know The Venetian is the MEGA HIGGAA HOTEL. So many people from other countries also here to get their own breakfast. WAITING LIST!

Feeling not so good on that day, so the best thing was applying some aroma therapy!

Comeback to my room and read some shopping magazine. Imagine cool stuffs to buy!

So i think that's enough for the mini room tour. I don't want to brag or anything. I just want to show you how good the service in The Venetian Hotel and you can go shopping also at the same time because this is a mega hotel, mall, and casino. I hope some of you can visit here too. I really want to visit here because i saw The Venetian from Boys Over Flowers korean drama. Kim Hyun Joong went to the same place as me! Yey!

Good luck and God Bless!

xoxo,

Margaret

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